i dont know. you wake up. and for some reason. you are inexplicably lost in a haze of all-the-things-you-fear-the-most. before you’ve had even half a chance to actually choose grumpiness, you are already amidst its vast and treacherous waters. and you dont have time for coffee before you leave for work and you constantly feel the day owes you a little something that its evidently not even slightly concerned about giving you and so you try and steal it…you buy a magazine you cant afford and drink take away coffee you cant afford, eat all the things that you know will make your teeth drop out one by one, you run late all day in some kind of protest against time its-very-self. and all this in the name of some kind of justice. but you dont enjoy it. not a bit. and you stomp about wearing a frown craving your favourite woolly jumper and all the films you have ever seen that have made you cry.
and so you see, i have been mostly miserable.
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February 14, 2011 at 3:14 pm
whatwhileweslept
a poem by Franz Wright…
The Only Animal
The only animal that commits suicide
went for a walk in the park,
basked on a hard bench
in the first star,
traveled to the edge of space
in an armchair
while company quietly
talked, and abruptly
returned,
the room empty.
The only animal that cries
that takes off its clothes
and reports to the mirror, the one
and only animal
that brushes its own teeth—
Somewhere
the only animal that smokes a cigarette,
that lies down and flies backward in time,
that rises and walks to a book
and looks up a word
heard the telephone ringing
in the darkness downstairs and decided
to answer no more.
And I understand,
too well: how many times
have I made the decision to dwell
from now on
in the hour of my death
(the space I took up here
scarlessly closing like water)
and said I’m never coming back,
and yet
this morning
I stood once again
in this world, the garden
ark and vacant
tomb of what
I can’t imagine,
between twin eternities,
some sort of wings,
more or less equidistantly
exiled from both,
hovering in the dreaming called
being awake, where
You gave me
in secret one thing
to perceive, the
tall blue starry
strangeness of being
here at all.
You gave us each in secret something to perceive.
Furless now, upright, My banished
and experimental
child
You said, though your own heart condemn you
I do not condemn you.
February 17, 2011 at 12:02 pm
andthoughtscomelikerain
thank you for this anna-laura…x